Birds of A Feather: Who Influenced You?

by JoAnn Foley Markette, Ed.D.

As a single, professional, east coast woman in her mid-thirties, I had a choice: spiral into depression due to being NMNK (never married no kids) in a society that expected quite the opposite at my age, OR embrace my reality with gratitude, adventure, and joy.

If I am honest, I must admit spending a bit of time grieving the dream I thought I would never get, but then, thankfully, realized that my desire to see and be seen by others--in the sense that who I am matters in the world--overpowered the darkness that could have easily enveloped me. I needed to fly both metaphorically and literally.

So I started to travel...solo! I'm not talking about daytrips to NYC or the shore by myself but full-on, month-plus trips across Canada and up to Alaska, a 500-mile hike along the Camino de Santiago in Spain, several weeks in Bosnia-Herzegovina, and two separate French-immersion programs. I also started collecting various academic credentials just for my own self-improvement. I don't take any of this for granted. I know I have been blessed--blessed with a good job, blessed with time, blessed with opportunity, blessed with heavenly protection--more than I deserve. With that said, none of this came without planning ahead for peace of mind, working multiple jobs for financing, and most of all, finding role models for inspiration.

Sometimes, role models soar into our lives from unexpected places. About 10 years or more my junior, Ardene was the daughter of one of my colleagues. Also single, Ardene's palpable zest for life drew others to her, and she did not disappoint as she described her adventures --solo--throughout Europe. She didn't know it, but her joie de vie and independent, intrepid spirit served as the wind beneath my wings. If she could do it, so could I!

No doubt, worries flooded my mind at the thought of a multi-week trip alone. Will I get lost? Will I be safe? Where will I stay? How do I look confident eating at a table for one? Yes, all sorts of you-might-want-to-rethink-this doubts crept into my daydreams, but what helped most were stories and examples of other female, single travelers as I upped my mental game in preparation.

Since YouTube had yet to be invented, I borrowed and bought lots of Rick Steves' travel guides and spent hours poring over all the suggestions from always having toilet paper in your backpack--he had no idea how important toilet paper would be decades later--to buying a faux wedding band to deter unwanted interest. I started visualizing myself walking the streets of cities on my dream list and researching which not-to-miss attractions really were worth the hype. Maps also helped me plan my way not only from city-to-city but also for self-guided touring. Top of my list included reading tons of reviews for each youth hostel under consideration. For me, planning, reading, researching, dreaming, and visualizing the actual trip enhanced its value and enjoyment.

Do not underestimate who and what makes up your circle of influence, your flock. Whether it be friends, family, acquaintances, music, YouTube, Netflix, the news, books, or any variety other content, consider feeding your mind, body, and spirit what will empower and reinforce your goals.

It is no coincidence that many recognized saints also have relatives who are also recognized saints. It is no secret that success rates for health goals increase significantly when we train with like-minded partners. It is not on a whim that friends of Bill depend on the power of support and strategize avoiding people and places that fail to champion their transformation. Stepping out into new challenges can be scary; a friendly flock--whether currently flying in the same direction or those who already made the flight--will no doubt inspire you in transit.

Birds of a Feather:

APA citation:

Markette, N. & Markette., J. [Dr. Markette]. (2022, January 3). How this MOM Earned Her DOCTORATE in the late 1990s || Grad Stories Ep. 1. [Video]. https://youtu.be/OrsiNZn18B0

Shop Recommendations